V. is for Virginity

There are a lot of emotions and physical issues that come into play when you are deciding to have sex for the first time. And therefore, what is absolutely crucial is that you are the one who has decided that you are ready. No one should feel pressure. Sex should not be a reward or gift. No means no; no matter the partner.

Here are V. (five) “virginity questions” answered (just in case you are too shy to ask).

i. I thought sex was supposed to feel good, but it hurt. Is this normal?

Make sure that you have been stimulated and aroused before anything penetrates the vagina. This phase will help your vagina to get wet, or lubricated, and this will reduce friction so entry will be easier. After you have had sex a few times, it will become less painful and more enjoyable. Sometimes additional lubrication is necessary, just make sure it is compatible with a condom (oil-based lubes make condoms less effective).

ii. Why do some women bleed when they lose their virginity?

There is a membranous band just inside the vaginal opening called hymen. In many women the hymen breaks long before she has had sex; normal child play on the playground, riding a bike/horseback, tampon use or exploring your own body. Women with an intact hymen at the time of penetration may experience some discomfort and/or bleeding, and this is normal.

iii. Do I need birth control?

If you are going to have sex, whether it is your first time or a regular activity, then you need birth control if you don’t want to get pregnant ---as well as protecting yourself from STI exposure. If you are sleeping with a guy, then a condom is a must. A condom used properly will protect against both pregnancy and an STI.

iv. What if I didn’t have an orgasm?

Many women don’t orgasm with penetration. Most women orgasm with stimulation to the clitoris. Also, you probably won’t orgasm at the same time as your partner. Depending upon the relationship, it may help to show your partner what you like and what feels good.

v. Does sexual attraction also mean an emotional connection?

Most people choose to have their first sexual experience with someone they care about. However, sometimes there is physical chemistry and not necessarily an emotional connection. The most important factor is to love yourself; that means YOU are the one who makes the choice. It is up to you to decide with whom, when and where you want to have sex.

Verbena does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and is not a medical provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately.